Adrift

Sorry its been so long since I last posted.  I’ve been lost at sea.  I try not to get down about this whole situation, but its so tough sometimes to remain positive.  I feel I’m going downhill more each day, gaining momentum, wondering where its going to stop.

I’m now on a drug called Ryzolt.  Its extended release form of tramadol (pain killer).  Tramadol is my go to.  It really helps with the pain.  My work will not allow me to take Tramadol while I’m on the job, but they will allow me to take the extended release formula, doesn’t make much sense, but whatever.

I had blood tests for Lupus last week and they came back negative, I guess thats a plus.  Its so hard having something that can’t be proven.  I’m all about proof, hard facts, evidence.  Now I’ve got this condition where they say, “well, its not this, this, or this, so it must me that”.  Sucks.

I had a biopsy last week on some knots that have been coming up on my legs.  I go on Monday to discuss the results with the Dermatologist.

Just trying to stay afloat, its hard sometimes.

No Savella at this point

Went back to the Neurologist yesterday.  He had started me on Savella for my fibro.  I have been taking it for about a week.  He asked how it was going and my response is no noticeable differences, good or bad.  Then I told him about this weird problem I was having that I figured was totally unrelated.  I have developed this weird kind of rash on my stomach and under my breasts.  Basically the skin that is around the hair follicle comes off when I touch it and leaves this red angry bump.  I had went ahead and made an appointment with my dermatologist about the appointment.  To say the least the Neuro was concerned and has taken me off the Savella for now.  I have another appointment with the Neuro a week after my Dermatologist appointment.  Then we will discuss if I will go back on the Savella.  Oh well..

$4500 Cash for Clunkers incentive

I have to say I’m a little peeved at this bill.  It bothers me that the cars that are taken in are destroyed.  These are usable cars that great charity organizations could use.  I understand that the purpose of the bill is to get some of the “higher polluting” cars off the road, but I’m still peeved that they will be destroying perfectly good cars.

I think someone’s trying to tell me something

I really do.  It seems that every time I try to advance in my career or accept additional responsibility at my job, something happens to stop that.  When I started pursuing my license as a Nuclear Reactor operator, my schizo meth head uncle burned my dad’s house down, tried to kill him in a separate instance and my grandmother died.  This all happened within a month.  I had to remove myself from license class.  Up until lately I have been aggressively pursuing getting another job, with more responsibility, then I get saddled with the fibro diagnosis.  I seriously think that someone is saying, “Hey, just be happy with what you have, you don’t need anymore, OK!”

So I think I’m going to listen to that voice.  I’ve decided to be less aggressive with my job search.  After all, I have a basically stress free existence right now, where I can come and go as I please (as long as it winds up to 40 hours in the end).  That’s a real help with my condition right now.

Yep, it’s Fibro

Went to the Neurologist monday morning and got the diagnosis.  Its kinda depressing.  There are so many feelings swirling around me right now.  I’m kinda confused, I guess I should be happy that someone is saying, “look, this is what it is, take these pills and see if it gets better”.  My Neuro prescribed Savella.  I’m on Cymbalta right now and am weaning myself off of it.  I will be off the Cymbalta by the end of this week and then I give myself a week with no meds, then start the Savella. 

Some of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia (which I have are):

Tenderness in the areas that are identified on the diagram above, my tenderness ranges from a bruised feeling to a hot poker feeling, these tender points should not radiate pain, it should stay localized.

Depression and anxiety

Sleep problems, I have trouble going to sleep, staying asleep and feeling rested when I get up in the morning

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Headaches and Migraines (check and check)

Constant migrating pain both above and below the waist and on both sides of the body, for me my right knee will hurt one day, then the next it will be my low back, then the next will be my neck, on and on and on.

Overgrowth of tissues, I have an insane amount of scar tissue formation, ragged cuticles and skin tags.

Numbness and tingling sensations

Fibro-Fog, confusion, searching for words

Dizziness and balance problems

Fibromyalgia

I’m afraid that I might have fibromyalgia.  I have been talking a lot with a lady that deals with it and my mother in law is also a sufferer.  I’m afraid this may be the reason for my constant pain.  Every day its something different.  One day my knee will hurt, the next will be my back, then my hip.  On and on, constantly migrating daily across my body.  I have the tell-tale tender points everywhere described, with the exception of my knees.  I have no tender points there.  Now I just have to find a doctor that kinda specializes in the disorder.  I don’t feel comfortable addressing it with my regular doctor, I think he will just dismiss it.

Kittehs

Mauser the big boy

Marlie on the sunporch

Kimber Chillin on the sill

Thought  I would post some pics I took of the cats being lazy today.  I got the sunporch all cleaned up and they’ve been hanging out a lot out there.

Is it just me??

Or did Helen look a little anorexic last night on the biggest loser?  Something just wasn’t right…I hope she’s still doing it the healthy way.

Hey Baby, Let’s Go to Vegas…

Been looking into planning a trip to Vegas in the fall.  We have never been to Sin City.  I think it would be  a good birthday present to moi…

The Beach is Calling

Oh my the beach is calling me.  I want to go somewhere, anywhere with sand right now!  We have another trip to St Martin in June, but that seems like a lifetime from now.  We are going to take my mom and stepdad.  It will be their first trip to the Caribbean.  I’m excited to take them, but afraid they won’t like it.  When traveling to St Martin, one needs to take the good with the bad.  The beaches are amazing, but the rest of the island can be a little slummy.  My husband and I don’t mind that, but some people do.  I’m also trying to anticipate how we will get a couple days in of full on nudity at Club Orient.  It’s very liberating and no St Martin vacayo is complete without it.